Think You're Too Good? Think Again
by kerrbear7
Summary: Emma and Jay have a casual relationship. Jay wants more. Emma thinks she can do better. But when Jay decides to move on, how will Emma take the news that she's no longer Jay's one and only?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi, except my ideas...**

**As the story progresses you'll find out bits and pieces of background information, so be patient, because all will eventually be explained. Hope you like...**

Emma rolled off of Jay, exhausted yet smiling widely. She lay on her back, panting, trying to regain some of her usual composure. Jay was the only person to see her like this, free of her etiquette chains, in the throes of wild abandon, caution thrown to the wind. Her face was flush, her body glistening, and yet Jay loved her most when she was like this; messy hair, makeup smeared. Perfect.

But it usually didn't last long, as was evident by her too-brief rest. Suddenly she was propped up on elbows, leaning over Jay's body, checking the time on her bedside clock. She sighed heavily, pulling Jay's t-shirt from the bottom of the bed over her head, and getting to her feet.

She smoothed her hair and looked back at Jay. "Are you planning to lay around all night?"

Jay smirked and shook his head. "This always works better when you don't talk, Nelson."

Emma gave him a look. "Seriously, can you please get going?"

Jay rolled to his stomach, burying his head in Emma's soft pillow. He groaned loudly, stifled only slightly by the fluffy, feathered pillow. He rolled back over, looking at Emma. His t-shirt came just above her knees. He smiled.

"Why don't you quit fidgeting and get back over here?" he asked, hoping she would take the bait. "I'm exhausted and you probably are too. Let's just get a few winks, okay?"

Emma put her hands on her hips, her stance telling Jay he was in for a lecture. "You're not spending the night, Jay."

"You're lucky I don't insult easily, Nelson."

Emma walked toward the bed, sitting down on the edge. She stared at Jay. He stared back.

"Fine!" Jay suddenly yelled, sitting up slowly. "I'm going to have a shower."

"Shower? Can't you do that at your own place?" she asked.

Jay raised an eyebrow. "You got somewhere to be?"

Emma shrugged, but Jay knew her better than that. She was trying to hide something. Jay could smell her fear from a mile away.

"Nelson? Emma?" he pushed.

"Okay, okay! I have...a date," she finally confessed.

Jay let the idea roll around in his head for a while, trying to decide just what to say. The old Jay would have blurted the first thing that came into his mind, and usually pay for it later. But, especially when dealing with Emma, Jay was now trying to think before he spoke, to be sensitive to her issues, of which there were many.

"A date," he stated. "So, like, what am I, some kind of pre-game warm-up?"

Emma hated to admit it, but he actually looked insulted. Had she hurt his feelings? Doubtful!

"I wasn't planning on it ending up this way. But you came over."

"And I never heard you protesting, Nelson!" he exclaimed. "When the hell is this bullshit gonna end?"

"Excuse me?" she asked, her back up and ready for a fight.

"You and I! This, whatever this is we have going on! When are you gonna stop pretending that it's nothing more than some kind of casual agreement? When are you gonna start taking us seriously?"

Emma had to hold back her sarcastic laughter. Jay's face registered nothing but honesty, scaring Emma just a little. "You were the one who said you didn't want anything serious! We both agreed this was just a casual thing! And, FYI, there is no 'us'! We get together to do...this...and that's all!"

Jay slipped his boxers on, getting to his feet. Emma tried to look away, admitting to herself that she was a sucker for his well-honed body. But there was no humour in Jay's face like there usually was. He tugged his pants on, leaving his belt wagging as he approached Emma, still perched on her bed. He got down on his knees in front of her, taking her hands in his.

"I don't want casual, Nel...Emma. I want there to be an us. And I think that deep down you really want that too," he intimated.

Emma tried to look away, taken aback at Jay's honesty. In the beginning, she may have wanted this, but now? Now she was just used to having Jay as a play thing. The power she held over him under the covers was intoxicating. But a relationship? Bye-bye power!

"Can you say something?" he begged. "'Cause I'm sorta baring my soul here, Nelson."

"I don't know what to say."

Jay swallowed, evidence of how nervous he'd suddenly become. He dipped his head, digging deep in his pocket, and pulling out a black, velvet box. He looked up at Emma, flipping the ring box open as he suggested, "Let's get married."

Emma's mouth dropped open as she stared at the beautiful diamond ring in front of her. Jay had gone all out on this one. The ring was gorgeous! A large, princess cut solitaire, surrounded by a ring of smaller diamonds, encased in a golden ring. Emma searched for something to say, but was blinded by the gleam of all those diamonds!

"Okay, so that was wrong," Jay stuttered. He shifted until he was on one knee. He raised the ring box again and took a deep breath before asking, "Emma Nelson, will you marry me?"

"Have you been smoking something?" she asked.

Jay smiled, getting to his feet and sitting beside Emma on the bed. He took the stunning ring out of the box, taking Emma's hand in his. He slowly slipped the ring on Emma's delicate finger. It was a perfect fit. A sign?

"Jay..."

"Don't say no just yet," he ordered. "Wear it around for a while. Try it out. Let it all sink in. Just think about it, Emma."

"What's there to think about? I...we...we can't do this."

He rubbed the back on her hand with his thumb. "And why not? We see each other almost everyday as it is."

"Why do you really want to marry me?" she asked, still staring at the ring.

Jay took her face in his hands. He kissed her gently. "Because I love you. I've loved you for a while. I want to make love to you for the rest of my life. And I want to hold you afterwards. I want to sleep with you. I want to wake up with you. I want to..."

"Stop it!" Emma yelled, interrupting his rant. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but seriously, stop!"

Jay gave her an odd look before smiling at her. He shook his head, got to his feet, and went to Emma's dresser, rifling through until he found one of his shirts. He slipped it on, walked back over to Emma, bent, gave her a soft kiss on the lips, and turned away.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

Jay turned at the door and shrugged. "You need time. I know you do. So take it. Take as long as you need. Instead of staying here and getting into some war of words, like the old Jay would have gladly done, and won, I'm playing it smart. I'm leaving. You think about things and when you're ready to talk about this, I mean, really talk, not argue, then call me."

Emma watched him walk out of her bedroom, listening for the click of the door. When it came, she got to her feet, but, realizing that her legs were quite shaky, she sat back down. She swallowed the lump in her throat, looking at the ring Jay had placed on her finger. It sparkled when the dim light hit it. Emma shook her head, removing the ring. She gingerly placed in on her dresser before heading into her adjoining bathroom to begin getting ready for her date.

**Hope you enjoyed! Please R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

"So tell me, friend of mine, what is new in Emma-land?" Manny asked, pouring salad dressing onto her green spinach salad. She stuck her finger into the container, not wasting a single drop of the honey dill dressing. She licked the end of her finger with a smack and looked up at Emma, waiting for her answer.

Emma shrugged, involving herself in her own salad, muttering, "Not much. Jay asked me to marry him."

Emma heard Manny's fork fall, the loud clang of her utensil hitting her dish ringing out across the restaurant. Faces turned to look at the two girls, wondering what had caused the noise. Manny's mouth hung open. Emma shrugged yet again, not commenting.

"He what?" she squeaked, finally gaining a voice.

"He asked me to marry him," Emma said plainly.

Manny smiled, dimples in full effect. "You're kidding me, right?"

Emma reached into her large purse, sitting beside her on the bench. She grabbed the ring, stuck it on her finger, and presented it to Manny across the table.

Manny grabbed onto her hand, tugging Emma's entire body across the table. "Wow! That's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen! So?"

"So?"

"What did you say?" Manny asked, biting into her bottom lip with anticipation.

"I asked if he'd been smoking something," Emma chuckled. She shook her head. "He left before I had a chance to say anything. He told me to think about it and get back to him."

Manny smiled wide. "Well if you're carrying the rock around with you, that must be a good sign, huh?"

"I only have it with me because I'm meeting him later for coffee. I plan to give it back then."

Manny's face fell. "You're giving it back? So, no wedding?"

"Sorry to ruin all your dreams there, Manny. No wedding."

Manny leaned forward, whispering, "Poor Jay."

Emma's brow shot up in surprise. "Poor Jay? Well that's surprising! You, a Jay-supporter?"

"I just mean that he's gonna be crushed. How did he do it?"

Emma knew that Manny was waiting for the day when her Prince Charming would come along, sweep her off of her feet, and she would live happily ever after. Emma didn't want to disappoint her romantic friend, so she smiled when she said, "He actually got down on one knee and asked me if I would marry him. It was sweet, but completely out of left field."

"Well it's not totally left field, Em," Manny reminded. When Emma gave her a confused look, Manny explained. "You and Jay have been together for a long time. Of course he was going to fall for you eventually."

"Settle down, Manny. Jay and I have never been 'together'. We have an...arrangement. But marriage? With Jay?"

"So Jay's good enough to sleep with on a regular basis, but not good enough to marry?" Manny questioned, finally picking her fork back up and munching on her salad.

Emma sniffed, removing the rock from her finger and placing it back into her purse. "There's nothing wrong with Jay. He's a great guy, but to be married to him? I don't think so. We have fun together, but that's because there's no expectations for anything else. If that changed, out goes the fun and in comes the..."

"Commitment?" Manny questioned. "And we all know your feelings on the big C."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Emma asked.

Manny pointed her fork at Emma. "You have been commitment-phobic ever since Hurricane Sean blew through. But enough is enough, Em. We're getting older. I'd give anything to be in your shoes, with a decent guy like Jay asking to spend the rest of his life with me. Maybe it's time to put aside the hurt you hold so close to your heart. That pain is preventing you from moving forward."

Emma sighed. "I'm not talking about this with you. My not wanting to marry Jay has nothing to do with Sean. I don't love him."

Manny watched Emma's face, as she tried to appear composed. She wondered just what went on in Emma's mind, as she told herself that she didn't love Jay. Manny suspected it had a lot more to do with not allowing herself to be open to love at all.

"Emma?" Manny asked. "Em?"

FLASHBACK

"_It's not you, Em. It's me. I just don't feel it anymore. It's not fair to keep this going if my heart isn't in it, and I'm sorry, but it's not."_

_Emma tried to focus on Sean's face, but her tears blurred the image. What was he saying? Why was he doing this?_

"_I...I...d...don't under...st...stand," she stuttered through her sobs._

"_We've been doing this for way longer than we should have. First the whole long distance thing. And now... Well I just don't think I can do it any longer. I think we both deserve better," Sean tried to explain._

"_Eight years, Sean," Emma whispered. "We've been together for the last eight years! Since I was seventeen, Sean! How can you say that those eight years have all been a mistake? Is that really how you feel?"_

_Sean shrugged. He sighed. This was so not going how Sean wanted it to. "Emma?"_

_Tears continued to seep from Emma's eyes. Sean's silence told volumes. He no longer loved her and maybe he never really had. Maybe the last eight years had all been some big delusion, made up happiness in Emma's twisted mind._

"_So that's it then?" she asked. "You just want to call it quits. You're, what? Kicking me out?"_

_Sean bit into his lower lip. "You can have as much time as you need to find a new place. I'll go stay with Jay. I just think that this is all for the best, Emma."_

END OF FLASHBACK

"Emma?" Manny called, snapping her fingers in Emma's face. "Are you okay?"

Emma nodded her head slowly. She blinked, telling herself that it was pointless to cry. Sean certainly wasn't. He'd gone and moved on. Maybe that was what she needed to do. Move on.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Manny asked, concern written all over her face.

Emma smiled at her friend. "I'm fine. I think in some ways that you're right. I need to get on with my life. Sean and the pain he's put me through are done making my life a living hell!"

"So? Does this mean that you and Jay..."

"No. It actually means that I have to stop this stupidity with Jay. I have to concentrate on finding someone that's perfect for me. Someone who's successful and educated. Someone that I can be proud to be with. Someone that I can be with for the rest of my life."

Manny squinted her eyes, watching Emma's face as she rambled on. She hated seeing Emma this way. This determination to find the 'perfect guy' would only lead her to realize that HER perfect guy was right in front of her face. But if Emma chose to break Jay's heart, would he be around when she finally realized how right he really was for her?

**Please R&R! Next chapter? Emma talks to Jay...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

**Thanks for the reviews! Please keep reading!**

Emma got to The Dot early, hoping that Spinner wasn't going to be in today. How funny it seemed that Spinner was actually the new owner of the small diner where everyone still chose to hang out after all these years. But Spinner had beaten his bout with cancer, graduated high school, went to college for his business degree, and purchased The Dot all before the age of twenty four! Even Emma was impressed.

But he was not the person she wanted to run into today. Luckily, there was no sign of Spinner. The last thing she needed was a third party to witness this whole mess! She bit into her right index finger's nail, nervously checking the time on the clock on the wall. Jay wasn't late, but Emma just wanted to get this over with.

She wasn't prepared to see Jay walking through the door when he did. He was dressed rather nicely, in a pair of slacks and a button-up shirt. No hat, no jeans. No smirk. Emma cringed inwardly.

He smiled when he saw her, approaching the table only to bend over, offering her a small kiss. It was probably the sweetest thing Jay had ever done to her; a casual greeting between lovers. Little did he know...

"These are for you, beautiful," he said, presenting her with a bouquet of lollipops.

Emma looked up at him, unable to hide her smile. "How did you? What?"

Jay took his seat across from her and smiled. He shrugged absently before explaining, "Flowers have been done."

"But I go through, like, a ton of these at work," she stated. "How did you know?"

"I pay attention when you talk," he said, licking his lips. When she continued to stare at him in disbelief, he groaned. "A few weeks ago you said that your mom gave you a box of Laura Secord lollipops. You said that since then you've been addicted to them and that you suck on them a lot at work, especially just before deadlines."

Emma stared at the small bouquet of treats and smiled. "No one would remember something that offhand," she whispered.

Jay reached across the table, taking hold of her hands. "No one, except someone who cares about you. Like me!"

Emma pulled her hands out of Jay's, placing them in her lap. "We should have met somewhere else," she commented, scanning the small restaurant. "Someone might see us here."

Jay looked around at the half-empty diner. "I take that as a not-so-good sign."

"I want you to know that I thought about it. I really did. But when it comes right down to it, you and I are just not going to work."

"Why?" Jay asked.

"Why?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Did you think I wouldn't expect an explanation?"

"No, but I just thought you'd understand."

Jay sighed heavily. He leaned back in his chair. "I do understand. You're scared. Even after all of this time, you're still scared. I can respect that. I can wait."

"Wait?" Emma asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah. I can wait until you're ready."

Emma's eyes grew large. She shook her head. "You don't understand. I'm saying no, Jay. I don't want to marry you."

"Why not?" he pushed.

"Because it's not logical."

"Love isn't supposed to be logical, Emma. It comes out of the blue sometimes, but that doesn't mean it can't work or that it's wrong," Jay proclaimed. He pointed at Emma across the table. "You need to stop thinking so much, Nelson. You're giving me a headache."

"This isn't a joke!" she exclaimed. "I don't want to marry you. I'm not...I'm not...I'm not..."

"Will you just spit it out?" he groaned, annoyance in his voice.

"I'm not in love with you!" Emma yelled.

As soon as it came out, Emma regretted the words. Every head in the place turned to look at Jay and Emma. Her cheeks coloured immediately, embarrassment written all over her face. Jay continued to stare straight ahead, his face registering no distinguishable emotion. Emma felt horrible.

"Jay, I..."

He raised a hand to stop her from saying more. He finally broke his stare, gazing around the restaurant. When his eyes finally met with Emma's, his glare was icy. "I think that's bullshit!" he muttered. "But I guess if my buying a ring, getting down on one knee, and asking you to marry me isn't enough to convince you that this is a good idea, then fine. Mark my words, Emma Nelson, you will regret this."

He leaned back in his chair, staring at Emma. The looks he was shooting her way were a mixture between a challenge and heartbreak. Emma suddenly wished she could take her words back. But it was too late.

Jay licked his lips and straightened the collar of his shirt. "I know that Sean Cameron did a number on you. I know that getting dumped really sucks. I know that watching Sean get married all of six months after your breakup, after he led you on for eight years, had to be hard. But it's been two years, Emma! It's time to get over it and move on. 'Cause if you don't, I think you may turn into one of those little old ladies with fifteen cats or something!"

Emma sniffed, not finding Jay's words at all humorous. "You know nothing about it. You know nothing about me!"

Jay leaned forward, forearms resting on the top of the table. "I know more than you think. I know what it feels like to pick you up off the floor, because that's what I did, ME, when he left you. I know what it's like to hold you while you cry like a baby, because I did that so many times. I know that you like to sleep on the right side of the bed, because it's closer to the door. That way if someone breaks into your place, through the window, you can get away. I know that you always lay out your clothes for the next day before you go to bed. I know that you like to watch Good Morning America while you eat your cereal, because you think Chris Cuomo is cute."

He suddenly leaned closer, lowering his voice. "I know that face that you make when you're on your back, looking up at me, and I've just taken you to Mars and back again. And I love seeing you like that, because it's the only time when you're completely undone. You don't even know it, but it's when you look the most beautiful I've ever seen you look."

Emma knew she was blushing. Maybe it was because of Jay's intimate words, or maybe it was something else. Emma had spent the last two years building a wall around herself, not wanting anyone to get too close. So how had Jay managed to break through that wall and see the real her? How had she, someone so guarded and on alert, allowed it to happen?

"Marry me, Emma. Marry me and I'll spend the rest of my life giving you that look," he begged.

Tears formed in Emma's eyes as she realized how easy it would be to say yes to Jay. Maybe he could make her happy. But hadn't Sean made the same promises to her? Sean, who had taken her heart and played a game of kickball with it, had told her he loved her too. Look where that got you. NO. Jay could make all the promises he wanted to. Emma wasn't buying any of them.

She put her hand into her purse and grabbed the ring. Placing it on the table in front of Jay, she got to her feet. "I'm sorry," she whispered before leaving the restaurant.

**Sorry Jay! How will Jay react to Emma turning him down? Keep reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

**Thanks for all of the great reviews! I got busy with stuff and wasn't able to post until now, but I'm posting three chapters, so enjoy!**

"What are you doing here?"

Jay looked around from under the hood of the car he was working on, only to spot Manny Santos standing just inside the big garage door, hands on hips. He sighed heavily. This was just what he needed!

"Let me repeat...what are you doing here?" she asked, stepping forward.

Jay wiped his hands on a rag and pointed to the car beside him. "Some of us have to work, Santos."

Manny stomped forward, until she was about a foot away from Jay. She regained her stance, hands on hips, legs spread slightly, attitude oozing from her being. Jay prepared himself for a lecture.

"It's nine o'clock at night, moron! This garage closes at six! But that's not the point! You should be with Emma!" she ordered.

Jay shook his head. "Why would I be with her?"

Manny, not fooled by Jay's tough exterior, saw his comment for what it really was, a guy who'd been completely crushed by the woman he loves. "She loves you. I know that she does."

"She's got a funny way of showing it, don't ya think?"

"That's just Emma being...well, Emma. She needs time, Jay. Please don't give up on her," Manny begged.

Jay walked away from Manny, wanting out of this conversation, especially with her. It was no secret that Jay and Manny were anything but friends. In the beginning she'd accused Jay of using the heartbroken Emma for his own personal gain. So why was she here, begging him not to give up the chase to spend forever with her friend?

"Say something, idiot!" she yelled.

Jay threw the wrench that was still in his hand. It hit the tool bench at the far end of the garage with a loud clang. Manny jumped, letting out a little screech. Jay hadn't meant to scare her, but this was not where he wanted to be right now.

"She said no, Manny! I told her everything she wanted to hear and it still wasn't good enough! I'm done trying to convince her that I'm the one. I'm just done," he swore.

"If you're willing to give up this easily, I guess you're not the one for her anyway," Manny said sadly. She turned to walk away and then stopped. Jay almost didn't hear her whisper, "Do you love her?"

"I asked her to marry me, Manny. I don't exactly make committing myself to someone for the rest of my life a habit, you know. Yeah, I do. I love her. But that doesn't make a difference if she doesn't love me. She told me so. Then she gave me back my ring and walked out of my life. It's time for Jay to move on and try to forget about Emma."

Manny turned back to face Jay, her body moving slowly, but with purpose. She walked toward him, a smile spreading across her face. "Jay, you brilliant bastard! That's it!"

Jay gave her a look, confusion mixed with fear. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you moving on," Manny smiled, shoving Jay back. "You need to move on. Don't you get it?"

"I can honestly say that I have no clue where you're going with this," Jay admitted, backing away.

"Girls always want what they think they can't have. If Emma thinks that you're off the market, she'll realize that she made a huge mistake letting you go. It's perfect!"

Manny's excitement made Jay cringe. Her plot was lacking in originality, but Jay had to admit, it probably was true. Emma, in her present state, liked to think of Jay as her little toy. But what if he was no longer hers? What if Jay found a new someone? How would Emma react to that?

Still, Jay's conscience told him that winning Emma back in a dishonest way wouldn't help his plight. "Bad idea, Santos. Emma would see through it and then she'd definitely never talk to my again."

"Oh, versus how much she's going to talk to you now?"

Jay shot Manny a heated look. "And let's say I went along with your stupid little plot here. What chick is ever gonna date a guy, knowing full well that he's only doing it to get in with someone else?"

Manny thought for a second. Her face suddenly broke into a wide smile. "I know just the person! You leave it all up to me, Jayson Hogart! I'll have Emma begging at your feet in no time!"

As Manny turned to excitedly leave the garage, Jay asked, "Why are you doing this? You don't exactly like me."

Manny looked at Jay and smiled. "Because you're perfect for my friend. And I can be a big enough person to admit that I was wrong."

**Good old Manny! But will their plan work or will Emma see right through it? R&R!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

"Took you long enough to get here!" Manny screeched, grabbing Emma by both hands and dragging her down onto the leather couch she was sitting on.

Emma shrugged off her coat, revealing a stunning black and white dress. "Work was hectic, to say the least. By the time I got out of the office and got home to get ready, it was already eight o'clock! I rushed around like a mad woman!" She leaned closer to Manny, asking in hushed tones, "Is my dress on right?"

Manny smiled at her friend, giving her a once-over. "You look fabulous, as always! I really like the dress."

Emma smoothed the front of the too-short dress, hoping that Manny wouldn't see her outfit for what it really was; a way to put herself out there and hope someone was interested. In the two months since Jay's impromptu proposal and their inevitable parting of ways, Emma had been on ten dates, all of which had turned out to be complete and total disasters! All Emma wanted from this party was to meet someone, anyone, who could spark more than an immediate interest which would soon fizzle. Emma just wanted to find her 'someone'.

She scanned the party while still listening to Manny drone on about who had come to the party with who and what so-and-so was wearing. She spotted the familiars: Liberty and Damien, recent newlyweds, Spinner and Paige, married now for two years, had gotten a sitter for their year-old son, Jimmy and Ashley, reunited (yet again) months earlier, but looking very happy, and many others, most with spouses or partners. Emma sighed, feeling like this was the last place she would find someone.

And then her eyes hit them. She tried to look away, but found it impossible. They were standing off to the side, chatting away with another couple. Their exchanged looks, intimate and private, made Emma's stomach turn. She felt like her throat was closing and the room had gotten smaller. And when his eyes met hers, she saw that her staring was making him uncomfortable. He offered her a small smile, but Emma pulled her eyes away, turning her head.

"You didn't tell me they'd be here!" Emma hissed, staring in the opposite direction.

Manny looked back over her shoulder and saw them. She sighed. "I'm so sorry, Em. I had no idea. What do you want to do?"

"Kill myself," she said, sarcasm dripping from her words. She looked at Manny. "Why couldn't I have had a date for tonight? I could have hired one! Do you know how embarrassing it is to be here, alone?"

Manny rolled her eyes. "You're preaching to the choir, honey. Alone is, like, my middle name. And who the hell cares what he thinks, anyway?"

Emma knew that Manny was right. But it was still hard to see him, with her, happy and moving forward. It should have been her...

FLASHBACK

"_Getting married?"_

_Jay nodded his head slowly, fearing that this news would not only crush Emma, but that it would burn her so much, she wouldn't be able to move forward._

"_Are you sure?" she asked slowly._

_Jay sighed, sitting down on the floor beside her. He stretched his legs out in front of him. "He asked me to be his best man."_

_Emma's eyes met his. She realized that she was angry with him. "And you said?"_

"_I said sure," he answered._

_She turned her head, refusing to look at him, deciding that the cold shoulder was the best action she could give right now. Emma knew she was being childish, logic told her that Jay wasn't doing this to hurt her, but still, her anger boiled over, spilling over onto Jay._

"_So I take it you're mad at me?" Jay asked. "He's my best friend, Nelson."_

"_So what am I?" she questioned, finally meeting his eyes._

_Jay searched for the right words. What was she exactly? It had only been six months since that day, when he'd found her, sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of her new, empty apartment. But it hadn't taken long for them to move from supportive friends to the casual 'whatever' they were right now._

"_Forget it," Emma mumbled._

"_Nelson, it's time to realize that this fantasy about you and Sean getting back together, is over. He's marrying someone else in one month!"_

_Emma's mouth dropped open. Most engagements lasted a lot longer than a month. One month. Eight years. Big difference!_

"_Why so soon?" she asked, holding her eyes closed tightly._

"_I think...I think...I don't know," he stammered._

_Emma opened her eyes and looked at Jay. He tried to dart his eyes away from her, but couldn't do it very successfully. Emma took hold of his arm, forcing Jay to look at her. _

"_She's pregnant, Emma," he whispered._

_Pregnant. A baby. Why hadn't she thought of that? Sean was marrying her in one month, but only because she was pregnant. Emma silently cursed for not thinking of that move herself. She could have trapped him years ago!_

"_What's going on in that twisted mind of your's?" Jay asked, bumping her slightly with the side of his leg._

"_He obviously doesn't really love her. He's marrying her because she's pregnant," Emma avowed._

_Jay shook his head. "He loves her, Nelson. As much as that kills you to hear, it's the truth. He bought the ring before he found out about the baby."_

_Dammit! Why did Jay have to tell her that? It was so much easier thinking that Sean had to marry her. But the truth was, he wanted to marry her. Sean wanted to marry someone else, not Emma._

"_You okay?" he asked._

_She nodded her head slowly. "So one month, huh? Okay. So I have one month to try and break up this engagement."_

END OF FLASHBACK

Emma's cheeks coloured when she thought back to how she had reacted to the news of Sean's impending nuptials. Had she really been that awful of a person? Yep!

"Have you seen Jay?" Emma asked, looking around the crowded house. "It's not like him to miss a party."

Manny tried not to smile. "Jay? Um, he's around here somewhere. Why?"

Emma shrugged. She wouldn't admit it, especially to Manny, but she found herself missing Jay. Before, even in their so-called casual state, he was always around. To talk to, to watch movies with, to eat supper with, to make love to... _Have sex, Emma! It was never love making! It was only sex! You don't miss Jay. You miss the sex._

"I just thought I'd say hi. I feel kind of bad with the way we left off. I think I'm gonna go find him," Emma started, getting to her feet.

Manny tugged on Emma's arm until she returned to her old position on the couch. "I need to tell you something," she started. She grabbed Emma's hand tightly as she informed, "Jay's here with someone. A girl."

Manny waited for Emma's reaction. She'd know within seconds if all of this was worth anything. If Emma reacted stronger to seeing Sean with someone else, than the idea of Jay being with another girl, then Manny would know to cancel all further plans, that her friend just wasn't ready.

Manny tried not to smile as she watched Emma's face fall, the concept of Jay moving on processing in her mind. Now let's see just what she would say.

"Jay? With another girl?" Emma asked, stunned by the idea.

"Well it has been two months since you removed his heart with a dull spoon, Em," Manny reminded. "The guy had to move on some time."

Emma continued to frown. "I guess I just never thought of him being with someone." She realized that Manny was staring at her, a satisfied look on her face. Quickly, Emma changed her tone. She smiled at her friend. "Well I guess this is all for the best, right? I mean, the last thing I need is for Jay to be pining away for me for months, right?"

Manny knew that Emma was saying that purely for her benefit. Time to step up the game. Manny smiled widely. "I am so glad that you said that! She's nice, Em. Really nice. Her name is Meghan. Do you want to meet her?"

Emma couldn't believe her ears! Manny, her best friend, liked this other bitch? Emma closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. Meghan was probably not a bitch, she told herself. She was probably a really nice girl who'd obviously lost her mind if she was willing to date Jay.

Manny went off in search of her new friend, eager to introduce her to Emma. Emma stared around at the familiar faces, realizing that she didn't want to speak to any single person here. She got to her feet, straightened her dress, and walked out of the room, hoping to avoid the awkward situation Manny was trying to force her into.

As she entered the back hallway, she ran directly into none other than Jay himself.

He reached out to steady her, his piercing eyes meeting hers.

"Emma Nelson," he greeted with a smirk. He assessed the image in front of him, fighting the instincts that told him to take her into his arms. That dress looked damn good on her, and try as he may, Jay was unable to hide the fact that he'd noticed. "Nice dress."

Emma smiled shyly, glad that someone had recognized and appreciated her effort. "Thanks. Nice shirt," she complimented, giving the button-up, dark blue shirt a playful tug.

His smirk grew. They were alone in this secluded hallway, commenting on each other's clothing, when all either wanted was to get out of them. Jay, holding onto a beer, leaned back until he touched the wall. He drew in the full image of Emma, biting into his bottom lip.

"So...what's new?" Emma asked, knowing that he couldn't keep his eyes off of her and loving every minute of it.

"Not much," Jay coughed. "I mean, I sort of...I've got someone new."

"A girlfriend?" Emma asked, feigning ignorance.

Jay nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. Her name's Meghan. You wanna meet her?"

Emma shook her head. "Not really. Ask me what I really want."

She knew that this was a dangerous game that she was playing, but she didn't care. Jay was hers and no new girlfriend was going to get in the way of her good time. Besides, she missed him. _The sex! I miss the sex...not him!_

Jay waggled a finger at her. "Naughty, naughty!" he scolded. "You can't be doing that, Nelson. I'm a spoken for man now."

Emma pushed herself off the wall opposite to Jay, sending herself into his chest. She pressed her body against his, asking, "Is that really what you want?"

Jay swallowed. To hell with Manny's plan! "I should probably take Meghan home," he announced.

Emma dug into her purse and pulled out a key. She slipped it into Jay's front pants pocket. "I'll wait up."

"Will you be wearing this little number when I get there?" he asked, running a finger under the small spaghetti strap, against Emma's bare skin.

Emma's brow shot up. "I'll be wearing something you like a whole better than this old thing."

She gave him a small kiss before leaving the hallway and exiting the party. The night may have started out poorly, but it was about to end a whole lot better! Emma left the party with a feeling of excitement and satisfaction. She could have Jay whenever and wherever she wanted him. That feeling of power swept over her, causing her smile to grow as she got into her car, driving to her apartment to prepare for her evening.

**Emma, Emma, Emma! What does she really want? The better question would be: Is Jay willing to be her toy or will he hold out for something more? Keep reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Degrassi, but I don't...**

"Manny! Glad I caught ya," Jay smirked. "Can you bring Meghan home? Thanks."

Jay tried to walk away from Manny quickly, before having to explain himself, but she grabbed onto the back of his shirt and held him steady.

"Why?" she questioned.

Jay turned to face her, his head low. "I've gotta leave."

"Why?"

Jay stepped closer to Manny and smiled. "I've got places to be."

Manny threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. "To Emma's? No way! The whole idea is to make her think that you're unavailable, not to roll over the second she flirts with you. Are you really that easy?"

Jay nodded his head and smiled wide. "Look, your plan worked. Emma wants to see me."

"So you're doing this for Emma?"

Jay licked his lips and pointed both index fingers at his crotch. "I'm doing this for him!"

Manny rolled her eyes. "Forget about him for one second and remember that you want more from Emma than just something casual."

"I can wear her down. I tend to have that effect on people," he said proudly. "Besides, what's the point of all of this if I never get to be with Emma?"

"The idea is for Emma to realize that she has feelings for you that go beyond the physical. The idea is for Emma to come to her senses and agree to marry you because that's what she really wants. The idea is to get Emma to forget about Sean and her broken heart. The idea is to get Emma to love again. Don't you care about any of that?" Manny asked.

Jay sighed. "Damn you, Santos!" Jay shoved his hand into his pocket, removing the key to Emma's apartment. He dropped it into Manny's hand. "You better take this so I won't be tempted. I guess I should call her, huh?"

Manny bit into her bottom lip, deep in thought. She suddenly smiled, dimples and all. "Don't call her. Let her call you."

"What?"

"Let Emma Nelson chase Jay Hogart for a while! Don't call her. Trust me, she'll call you when she realizes that she's been stood up. Tell her you got caught up with Meghan. She'll be so furious, she'll be fuming for weeks!"

"And how does that help me?" Jay asked.

"It doesn't matter if she's angry, as long as she's thinking about you. It's the perfect way to start this whole thing!"

Jay shrugged, checking his watch. "Fine. Whatever. I'm gonna take Meghan home and then go take a really long, really cold, shower!" He turned away from Manny and then turned back. "By the way, Santos. Isaacs' been staring at you like a fat guy at a buffet table."

**Hope you like! Please read and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi..**

**Sorry for the delay in updates, but keep reading because the story is finished!**

Jay, eyes still closed, rolled over and pawed around on his night stand until he found his ringing cell phone. He grabbed it, flipped it open, and said, "Hello?" sleepily.

"Bastard!"

Jay opened one eye, staring at the red, digital numbers on his alarm clock. "It's three in the morning. You'll have to be more specific."

"Here's specific for you, Hogart!" she yelled. "You are a bastard!"

Jay rubbed his forehead. "Nelson."

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" she asked.

Jay sighed. "Sorry if I'm a little slow on the uptake, Nelson, but did I mention that it's THREE IN THE MORNING?"

"I wouldn't know what time it is. I've been sitting here like an idiot, waiting for you! Why didn't you come?" Emma asked, feeling like her voice was getting too whiny and trying to deepen it. The last thing she wanted was for Jay to think that she needed him or something!

Jay pursed his lips. "Who said I didn't?" he asked, smirking to himself. _Mental note to self: Buy Manny Santos something nice because this plan is working like a charm!_

"You're crude!" Emma scolded. "You said that you were coming over to my place tonight. What happened?"

"I got a little caught up," he lied, holding back a chuckle.

"Caught up? With that Meghan girl?"

Jay smiled wide, satisfied with how this plan was unfolding. He could tell by the tone of her voice that Emma was furious. "She is my girlfriend, and you're, well, you're..."

"Nothing?" Emma offered, her anger turning to hurt. "I'm nothing?"

"Not nothing, Nelson. You're a part of my past. A really good part. This is how you wanted it, remember?" he taunted.

Emma shook her head. She hung up, shutting her cell phone, and throwing it across the room. Dammit! Why was he doing this? One minute he was professing his undying love for her and the next minute he was ditching her for someone else. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Emma got out of her bed, changing from the sexy negligee she was wearing, into an old pair of flannel pajamas. So much for a night of unadulterated fun! She sighed, staring at herself in the mirror. She moved until she was directly in front of the huge mirror, staring intently at her reflection. Was that a wrinkle? Was she getting crow's feet? She leaned in closer, stretching the corner of her eye.

Shaking her head, Emma walked out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, deciding that she needed some comfort food. She grabbed a tub of double chocolate fudge ice cream and a large wooden spoon. Taking her treats in her hands, she stomped into the living room, plopping down on her sofa. She turned on the television, flipping aimlessly through the channels.

"I found myself, alone, forty pounds overweight, sitting on my couch in a ratty bathrobe. I knew it was time for me to do something. And that's when I saw an infomercial for the Do-It-Yourself Diet. That was over thirty pounds ago and I'm still losing weight..."

Emma shook her head, abandoning her late night treat and flipping to another channel.

"But I love you, Roger!"

"But I love Sarah, Peggy. I'm sorry, but I just don't love you anymore."

"Why, Roger? Why?"

Emma grit her teeth. "Because Roger's an ass, Peggy! And Sarah's probably a slut!" Emma muttered to the awful movie on her television. "You can do better."

Emma finally decided that there was nothing on television worth watching. She shut it off, grabbed the ice cream, and put it back, untouched, in the freezer. She moped her way back to her bedroom, crawling under the covers. She pulled her heavy comforter over her head.

FLASHBACK

"_We could...you know...be there...for each other...when we...need something," Jay suggested._

_Emma raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"_

"_Last night. It was good," Jay admitted._

_Emma smiled shyly. She still found it hard to believe, even lying here, in her bed, having a conversation with Jay, clad only in sheets, what they'd done. She nodded her head, but wasn't sure how to respond. She blushed profusely._

"_So why shouldn't we do it again?"_

"_Jay!" she scolded, pulling the sheet higher over her breasts. "You shouldn't talk like that."_

_Jay rolled onto his side, running a finger along Emma's bare arm. He smirked as she shivered, knowing by her immediate colouring that she was easily becoming aroused._

"_You want to go out on a date?" she asked shyly._

_Jay swallowed. "I don't date. I was thinking something more...casual."_

END OF FLASHBACK

Emma pulled the covers back from her face, taking a huge gulp of fresh, carbon dioxide-free air. She flung her arms down at her sides. _I should never have agreed to casual in the first place! I should have demanded a relationship! What am I saying? I don't want that! At least, not from Jay! _

Emma spent the next few hours debating just what she wanted with herself. Her alarm clock rang and she sighed, realizing that she hadn't slept at all! This whole thing with Jay was making her crazy. _Then I guess we'll just have to do something about it, won't we? _But what?

As Emma took an extra long shower that morning, she searched her mind for the truth of all of this. What was she feeling? Why did she care if Jay was no longer around for her? She had pushed him out of her life for a reason. So now it was time to get back to her original plan. She had to find Mr. Right, and fast, before she let her loneliness make a wrong decision about who she should be with.

**Who is Emma's Mr. Right? Keep reading to find out...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

Two more months went by, quickly for some, like a a turtle crossing the highway for Emma. All she wanted was to get on with her life, but no such luck! Everywhere she went, there was one of her exes, flaunting his happiness with another right under her nose.

First there was the announcement that Sean and his wife were having baby number 2. But surprisingly enough, this news wasn't what sent Emma over the edge. She actually found the news relieving; Sean was happy with his family and she had to put aside her old hurt and find a way to be happy for him.

Since that awful night months earlier, when Jay had stood Emma up and she'd found herself alone and depressed, Emma suddenly realized that it wasn't Sean she was mad at. It was the fact that Sean had everything that Emma wanted. He had the spouse, the beautiful home, and the family. Emma found herself desperate to have all of that too. It's just that maybe she wasn't meant to have it with Sean after all.

And then came some more shocking news...

FLASHBACK

"_I got here as soon as I could. Is everything okay? You sounded kind of frantic on the phone," Emma commented, taking note of Manny's flushed face and shining eyes. "Manny? What's wrong?"_

_Manny broke into a smile and thrust her hand across the table. Emma's eyes widened as she saw the rock sitting atop of Manny's ring finger. "Who? What? How?"_

_Manny bit into her lower lip. "Emma, it's wonderful, isn't it?"_

"_The ring?" Emma asked, stunned. "Whose is it?"_

_Manny rolled her eyes. "It's mine, silly! I'm getting married!"_

_Emma's mouth dropped open. "You? You're getting married? Sure, you are! Have you been having a liquid lunch today?"_

_Manny shook her head. "Nope! I'm not drunk or high or out of my mind. I'm getting married!"_

"_To who?" Emma asked, realizing that Manny was being completely serious. "You're not even dating anyone!"_

_Manny hung her head, refusing to meet Emma's eyes. "I've been dating someone for a few months now," she whispered. When she raised her eyes, staring into Emma's, she saw that her friend's look of shock was turning into one of anger. "I'm sorry that I didn't say anything to you. In the beginning, we just wanted to keep things quiet, until we knew if it was going to work out or not. And then I really wanted to tell you, but you seemed so...depressed. I just didn't know how to break the news."_

_Emma saw fear in Manny's eyes and hated that. Her best friend felt like she couldn't tell her about a relationship? Was she really that pathetic? Thinking back on how Emma had been spending the last two months, wallowing in her own misery, it was no wonder that Manny hadn't wanted to tell her that she was seeing someone._

"_I'm so sorry that you felt like you couldn't confide in me, Manny," Emma apologized. "Please forgive me. So? Tell me everything. Start with who this lucky mystery man really is."_

_Manny swallowed. She took a long sip from her glass of ice water. Emma knew a stalling technique when she saw one._

"_Manny! Manuela Santos! What are you trying to hide?"_

"_It's...it's Toby, Emma. I'm getting married to Toby," she whispered._

_Emma coughed, but composed herself quickly. "Toby? Toby Isaacs? How did that happen?"_

"_Okay. The truth is that Toby and I started talking at that party you ditched me at a few months ago. We went out for coffee and I didn't stop laughing the whole time. So we went out a few more times and the thing is, I really, really like him. I think I might even love him, Em."_

"_You're that crazy over Toby?" Emma questioned._

_Manny nodded her head. "He's sweet. I can totally trust him. He never lets me down. And we have fun, just doing stupid stuff together. And then there's the look."_

_Emma giggled, happy for her friend, but giddy over the fact that this was Toby they were talking about. "The look?"_

"_You know. The look. The look he gives me that makes me feel like I'm the most precious, beautiful thing in the whole world. Toby gives me that look all the time. And I melt." She finished with a shrug, twisting her new ring as she spoke._

"_Well then I'm really happy for you guys!" Emma smiled, reaching across the table to pull Manny into a hug. "But don't you think two months isn't a lot of time for an engagement?"_

_Manny shrugged, not once removing the happy smile from her face. "Time is just numbers, Em. When the feelings are right, they're right. And I couldn't think of a single reason to say no. So? What do you really think?"_

"_I think that I'm so incredibly happy for the both of you! Omigod! We get to plan a wedding!" Emma shrieked._

"_So you're really okay with all of this?" Manny asked, scepticism in her voice._

"_Manny! Of course I'm happy! You and Toby are two of my oldest friends. And now you're getting married! It's great. I really mean that," Emma avowed._

_Manny's smile changed. She dug into her purse and pulled out a huge binder. Emma's hand flew to her mouth and she grabbed the white, lacy binder. "Where did you find this?" she asked._

"_My mom brought some boxes over to my place. This was in the bottom of one of them. Do you remember when we made this wedding album?"_

_Emma thought back to the day when she and Manny had been bored and began watching a TLC marathon of A Wedding Story. They were hooked on the idea of getting married forever after that day. And so came about the wedding album. Emma stole a binder from her mother and worked hard cover it with white, lacy material. Manny and Emma had spent that entire summer gathering pictures of wedding dresses, sample menus from various halls, and writing their very own, personalized wedding vows._

"_I can't believe that you kept this!" Emma exclaimed. _

"_And look at this!" Manny said excitedly, flipping through the pages, until she found what she was looking for. "Do you remember this?"_

_Emma stopped smiling. There was a piece of lined paper in the back of the album, where both Manny and Emma had written the names of all of their potential grooms. Manny's list: Craig, JT, Spinner, Craig, Damien, Craig. Emma's list: Sean, Chris, Sean, Peter, Sean, Damien, Sean. _

"_Wow! What losers we were," Emma commented dryly._

"_And who we always came back to."_

_Manny wished she could have taken the words back, but it was too late. She watched Emma's face, but was surprised not to see the reaction she had expected. Manny had thought that Emma would be crushed, remembering back to the times when she had had so much hope for her relationship with Sean. What she saw was something like peace._

"_Em?" Manny asked._

_Emma raised her eyes and smiled. "You're so better off with Toby, Manny. He'll treat you just the way you deserve to be treated."_

END OF FLASHBACK

So Manny threw herself into planning a wedding that even her parents could be proud of supporting, and she dragged Emma along for the ride. It all just served to remind Emma how alone she really was. Everyone she knew, everyone she was close to, everyone, had moved on with their lives...so why shouldn't Emma?

**Please R&R!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own only my ideas and nothing directly related to Degrassi...**

"I have to admit that I was a little surprised to get a phone call from you," Jay commented. "Is everything okay?"

Emma took a deep breath. "Manny is getting married."

Jay smirked. "I know. To Isaacs."

"How do you know that?"

"I get around, Nelson. Meghan told me," he finished.

Emma shifted in her chair, her discomfort showing to Jay, who hated seeing her squirm this way. "Meghan?"

"My girlfriend. Her and Manny actually work together. Didn't she tell you that?" Jay asked.

"No," Emma admitted. "I guess she forgot. Anyway, I just... I just wanted to... I'm sorry. You know what? I shouldn't be here."

Jay watched Emma get up from the table, her cheeks flaming, and leave the restaurant. He felt like his heart was going to explode having to see Emma suffer like this. She had called him. That was progress, wasn't it? Manny wouldn't get totally upset over him following her to make sure she was okay, would she?

Jay shook his head, following Emma out of the restaurant. He caught up to her at her car, as she rummaged around in her purse, searching for her car keys. He bowed his head as Emma found the keys, dropping them on the ground in front of the driver's side door.

"I got 'em," Jay said, bending to one knee to scoop up Emma's keys.

She turned around, Jay down on one knee in front of her. "This is oddly familiar," she smiled.

Jay noticed then that she had tears in her eyes. He rose to both feet, handing Emma her keys and brushing away a tear with his thumb. "Sorry for the replay of the past."

Emma pursed her lips, trying to compose herself. "Oh you mean, the day I made the biggest mistake of my life?"

Jay's breath caught. Had she just said what he thought she'd said? "What?"

"You heard me, Hogart. I made a mistake."

"How?" he pushed, needing to be sure.

"By telling you that I didn't want to marry you. Okay? Are you happy now? I, Emma Nelson, should have said yes to your proposal. I missed the boat and now I'm filled with nothing but regret. Happy?" she yelled.

Jay found himself pulling Emma into his arms, hugging her fiercely. "Leave the regret at the door, Nelson."

Emma pulled away. "I know that I made a mistake, but I can't expect you to just wait around for me to get my shit together. I'm messed up, maybe beyond help."

Jay took the keys from Emma's hand, unlocked her door, opening it for her. When she was safely inside, wondering why Jay was pushing her away like this, she realized that he was getting into the passenger side. He sat there, staring at the dashboard, his silence frightening.

"Why did you want to meet?" he asked quietly.

"I needed to see you."

He turned his head to look at her. "Why?"

Emma paused. This was like deja vu all over again. Once again, here she was fighting for an unavailable man.

FLASHBACK

"_Emma I can't do this! I'm getting married in less than a month!"_

_Emma pressed her body against Sean's, still feeling the pressure of his lips on hers from just moments earlier. "That kiss would suggest otherwise."_

_Sean pushed her away. "It was a mistake. One that I don't intend to make again. You should go."_

_Emma stepped back toward him, not yet willing to give up on this when she had made progress. "I think that you don't really want that. Why fight it, Sean? If you want something, you should just go for it, don't you think?"_

_Sean took hold of her wrists, holding them loosely. "That's what I'm doing. I love Ellie, Emma. I love her and I'm going to marry her. So, once again, you should go."_

_Emma's cheeks flamed instantly, her embarrassment taking over her entire body. She tore her arms out of Sean's grasp, dropping her arms to her sides, defeated. With her shoulders slumped, tears streaming down her red cheeks, Emma turned and walked away from Sean, realizing with every step just how pathetic she really was._

END OF FLASHBACK

Emma knew, after that awful memory, that she couldn't do this again.

"It doesn't matter," she whispered, smiling slightly.

Jay put a hand on hers. "It matters to me."

Emma looked up, seeing sincerity in his eyes and wanting to believe that anything was possible. But this wasn't the way she wanted to start a relationship; breaking someone up. It hadn't worked with Sean and it probably wouldn't work with Jay.

"I should go."

"Not before we get this all straightened out. I want to know why you called me," Jay pushed.

Emma took a deep breath. "You're with Meghan."

"Forget about Meghan for a second," Jay said firmly. "Did you phoning me have anything to do with Manny getting married?"

Emma lowered her head. "It's just that Manny kind of had a point, you know. Sometimes we find happiness with the least expected person. I mean, who would have guessed that Manny would ever marry Toby, but she seems really happy and in love."

"And you?" Jay pushed.

She looked up at him, her eyes a mixture of vulnerability and hope. "I've spent so many years determined to be miserable because I thought I wanted Sean."

"And now?"

"Now I realize that I don't want him. I want what he has."

Jay smirked. "So it's Red you want."

Emma rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to tell Jay to get serious. Before the words could escape her lips, Jay grabbed the back of her neck with one of his hands, drawing her toward him, kissing her fully on the lips.

But Emma knew that getting carried away by a kiss wouldn't solve this dilemma. She pushed on Jay's chest, sending him back to his own side of the car. His lips, red and full, formed a scowl.

"What?" he asked.

"As much as I want this, I can't. You have a girlfriend and I don't want to be the other woman. I want you. Yes, I do. It's taken my so long to admit that, but it's true. I miss having you around and I should have said yes when you asked me to marry you. But you moved on. And so you should. I'm sure that you and Meghan will be very happy together," Emma explained.

Jay grit his teeth. This was not going to be pretty. "There is no Meghan."

Emma looked at him. "I'm sure she'd think that wasn't very fair."

Jay shook his head. He growled slightly. "Meghan is some girl that works with Manny. I fixed her car for free and she agreed to pretend to be my girlfriend."

Emma's eyes narrowed. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I had to do something to show you what a huge mistake you were making! I asked you to marry me, Emma. Not because I felt obligated to or felt sorry for you. I asked you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you! So how could I just turn away and try to forget about you?" Jay confessed.

Emma tried to process everything Jay was saying, but she was still stuck on the fact that Jay had lied to her, had manipulated her, had used her for his own advantage. Her hand met his cheek before she even knew what was happening.

Jay sat, stunned, his cheek holding the print of Emma's small, but mighty hand. "What was that for?"

"This!" Emma screamed. She pointed at him. "This is exactly why I tried to push you away in the first place! Because I can't trust you! I should have trusted my own instincts! You haven't changed at all! You're still the same selfish, self-serving ass you were in high school!"

Jay nodded his head in agreement. "If that's how you see it..."

"How I see it? What other way can it be seen?" she asked in disbelief.

"Oh I don't know. You could see it for what it really is. Just another reason for you to back out of committing yourself to anyone other than Sean Cameron!" Jay shouted.

His loud voice, in the confines of her small car, made the environment tense at best. Emma pushed her body against the driver's side window, shrinking back from Jay, who was obviously angry.

"This has nothing to do with Sean," Emma said quietly. "It has to do with you trying to manipulate my emotions so that I'll agree to be with you."

Jay shook his head, looking away as he confessed, "I don't know when it was that I fell in love with you, Emma. I'm pretty sure it was right away though. And I know that we wouldn't even be in this situation if I'd just been okay with a relationship in the first place. But I thought that you were too in love with Sean and I guess, in a sick sort of way, I was just trying to protect myself from falling in love with someone who wouldn't be able to feel that way about me."

Jay took a deep, but shaky breath. He expelled all of the air from his lungs until they hurt. He turned his head slowly and looked at Emma. "But how on Earth could anyone spend any time with you and not fall in love?"

Emma felt the warm, wet tears on her cheeks before she even knew that she was crying. She smiled at Jay through her tears. In a shaky, uncertain voice, Emma took Jay's hand in her own, kissing its palm softly. "I need you to know that I do love you. You. Not Sean. But I also need you to know why I pushed you away. Can I share that with you?"

Jay's lips formed into a smirk, his signature move, the gesture that Emma loved. "Don't take too long, okay? I'm dying to kiss you again and this time, it better not end in you slapping me."

**Enjoy!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

Emma and Jay decided to drive back to her apartment for their 'deep conversation'. Emma, feeling shaky, handed her keys over to Jay. He smiled at her as he drove, taking this as a good sign, and hoping that whatever Emma felt the need to confess to him, wouldn't be too damaging.

They sat, Jay quietly waiting for Emma to begin, Emma twisting the Kleenex she was holding, telling herself that she could be this open with Jay, not because she had to, but because she could trust him to know what was in her heart and that he wouldn't use it against her.

"Do you remember that day when you came here and found me on this very floor? I was such a mess. And you could have easily been your smart ass self, but you put that all aside and picked me up. You put me back on my feet. And you never asked anything more of me than I was able to give. Do you know how special you are for doing that?" Emma asked.

Jay shrugged. "It was nothing."

Emma shook her head. "It was everything. I was blind-sided by Sean. I don't know how much you know or what Sean's take on how everything went down is. I spent eight years of my life waiting. Waiting for a proposal. Waiting for a family. Waiting for him to fulfill some of the promises he made to me. And it wasn't like it was obvious that Sean wanted out of our relationship. He kept telling me that he loved me and wanted a life with me. And I bought into that. And I settled. And I lost...everything.

"It was like he woke up one day and didn't want to be with my anymore. I got dumped and kicked out of my home. Instead of realizing what a bullet I'd dodged, I fell into some kind of depression. I cried all the time and I just didn't want to go on.

"So imagine my surprise when along comes Jay Hogart, none other than my sworn enemy, and he becomes my hero. I would have thrown myself into a relationship with you and given it my all. But not for the right reasons. So I accepted having you in my life as something casual. And then, something that I thought would never happen again, happened. I fell for you. But the hurt was still there. I was scared that if I let what we had get serious, that it wouldn't work out and I'd be alone again. I just didn't want to take the risk. I thought that I could have everything I needed with you if I just avoided the inevitable."

Jay pulled Emma into his arms, holding her tightly. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, smoothing her locks. "I want you to know that I never would have given up on you. I'm not Sean, Emma. I'm not handing you a line. I don't do that. I speak what I know and I know that I love you."

"Thank you. I love you too," she whispered. She looked up at the man holding her tenderly, remembering all of the times he'd held her body just as gently. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Let's not be too philosophical, okay Nelson?" he joked.

"When I told you that I wanted to break up Sean and Ellie, why didn't you tell Sean my devious plans?"

Jay sniffed. "I knew that you were hurting. Telling Sean would have caused a confrontation that you weren't ready for."

"But weren't you worried about what I'd do?" she asked.

"Okay, look. Sean was in love with Ellie. No matter what tricks you pulled, that wasn't going to change. You could have had Sean's body one more time, but you wouldn't have had his heart," he explained. Jay looked down, into her worried eyes. "And if he did, have your body, I really don't want to know about it."

Emma smiled slightly. "He turned me down. And you know what? I couldn't admit it then, but I think I was glad that he did. I actually think that I went home that night and realized that I was over Sean."

"Over Sean and under me?" Jay asked, smirking devilishly.

Emma beamed. She nodded her head. "Probably that's true. One more question?"

"Make it snappy, Nelson."

She bit into her bottom lip, shyly. "Can I have my ring back?"

"Maybe. One day," Jay answered, bending his head to kiss her waiting lips.

**Last chapter up ahead! Hope you enjoy!**


	11. Chapter 11

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Emma smiled, sitting in Jay's waiting lap. She gave his silk tie a playful tug. "Admit that you're having a good time."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll be having a better time when we're at home tonight."

Emma blushed, shaking her head at Jay. "You can take the man out of the Hogart, but you can never take the Hogart out of the man!"

"And you love me and my Hogart-ish ways."

"I do," she smiled.

"Can I have everyone's attention, please?" came Manny's voice from the microphone.

Emma and Jay turned their bodies to see Manny, in her beautiful, strapless gown, standing on the stage, Toby, looking handsome in his suit, standing supportively beside her. Emma looked over at Liberty, in her matching gown, and the two shared a smile. This day had been perfect in every sense of the word. Perfect weather, perfect venue, perfect couple.

"Toby and I would just like to take this opportunity to thank a few very special people. First of all, we want to thank our parents for their support and generosity," Manny stated, pausing for the applause of their many guests. "We also want to thank our wonderful bridal party for all of their help over the last few weeks. And thank you to all of our guests, for coming to share in our special day."

Emma smiled at Jay. She whispered in his ear, "Doesn't Manny look gorgeous and happy?"

"Happy, yes. Gorgeous? I wouldn't know. I'm too stuck on how beautiful you look," he complimented.

"I think that there's one more person that I have to make a special thank you to," Manny began. She dabbed at the corner of her eyes. "I wouldn't be anywhere in this world, without this person. She's not only my best friend, but she's my sister, in every sense of the word. Emma, can you please come up here?"

Emma gave everyone at her table a shocked look, but got to her feet and approached the stage. She hugged Toby first, before turning to Manny, hugging her friend fiercely.

"Emma, I love you more than words can express. For everything you've ever done for me, I can only think of one way to even begin to thank you, and that's to see you as happy as I feel today. Jay?"

Emma gave Manny a questioning look, as Jay got to his feet and walked slowly to the stage. He walked up the three steps as if in slow motion. He nodded to Toby, who pulled Manny back against his side. Emma pursed her lips together tightly, tears forming in her eyes, as Jay got down on one knee in front of her.

He finally met her eyes, smiling widely. "I'm nervous as hell, so don't even think about pulling what you did last time."

Emma smiled. "I can't believe you did this."

"I haven't done anything yet," he laughed. Taking a deep breath, Jay took the ring out of his suit jacket pocket, presenting it to Emma. "Will you marry me?"

Emma pulled her dress up to her knees, bending down until her knees hit the carpeted platform. She took Jay's face between her two hands and kissed his lips softly. "There's nothing in this world that I want more."

**The End!**

**I hope everyone enjoyed this story! Thank you for your great reviews and supportive comments! I've already begun my next story. Here's a little taste:**

**A child's life hangs in the balance... Can people overcome their personal fears for the betterment of this child? The present is always affected by the past, especially in this story.**

**Keep eyes open for it. It will be called The Donor.**

**Kisses, **

**Kerr**


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